


In The Name of Love

by CassidysPersona



Series: Lawrence and Ronnie Pre-Emmerdale [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Love/Hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:33:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9078838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidysPersona/pseuds/CassidysPersona
Summary: One excuse after the other Lawrence gave Ronnie as to why he couldn’t meet, this time the excuse was real and Ronnie had to be sure before considering feeling sorry for him but there's always something about babies that make people see sense, as Ronnie knew in the name of love he had to let go and Lawrence knew in the name of love he had to let Ronnie go, but neither were able to move on.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been floating around my head for a while, it’s my first Lawnnie fic based on him leaving after Lawrence had a new baby but a few months after and how he tried to get Lawrence to come with him and realising he was never going to math up to Ellen as she could give him what he wanted.

 

**April 1981**

Ronnie walked into the hospital reception where the walls were painted with beloved children’s fictional characters and Ronnie braced himself to accept Lawrence had told him another lie but there was a tone in his voice this time, Lawrence sounded exhausted and Ronnie’s instinct was to see if he was ok so down the corridors passing Roald Dahl’s The BFG, Matilda and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and he saw in a room, he stopped and walked over to the door that had a thin long window trailing down it inside the room was the man he loved, the man he had been putting his life on hold for and there was no doubt about it he was in the hospital, but it wasn’t him lying ill, it was his four month old daughter and Ronnie knocked before his head could tell him no. There was the distinct smell of hospital as he entered the room and it made his stomach turn but nonetheless Ronnie shut the door behind him, “Hi,” he said quietly and Lawrence looked up at him, “look I needed to be sure, that you, that you weren’t lying again,” Ronnie saw Lawrence pull away from his daughter’s bedside and Ronnie stepped forward thinking it was best, “why is she in here?” Ronnie asked as he tried to avoid staring at the baby girl as he didn’t want to fall in love and find it hard to pull himself away.

“Pneumonia,” Lawrence answered still finding it hard to take in this time two days ago the doctor had suggested they say goodbye, let her go and to bring close family in but she didn’t give up, whenever doctor’s said ‘there’s easy way to put this…’ she bounced back and fought as hard as she could and two days later off the ventilator and just with a small nasal cannula Lawrence still couldn’t quite believe she was still here, “and trust me I’ve just spent the past two days trying to attempt to plan a funeral for a four month old, so now I wouldn’t lie about that Ronnie I nearly lost her.”

“You lied many times before Larry I had to be sure,” he argued back keeping his voice down and Lawrence turned his head away, “so where’s Ellen?” Ronnie couldn’t help but sound bitter as he said her name.

Lawrence didn’t miss the bitter tone in Ronnie’s voice but he ignored it, trying to stay calm, trying to prevent himself from showing some kind of emotion that could make him look weak, “Gone home to get showered, tell her sister the good news, have some breakfast,” the dad let a tiny hand wrap around his rather large finger.

Ronnie took the hint in Lawrence’s voice and dropped the subject of his wife, he was always defensive when it came to Ellen and Ronnie was not about to anger Lawrence in a hospital full of vulnerable children and babies, “She’s only a baby though how does a baby get an infection like that?”

“Bacterial infection, there’s these tiny clusters of air sacs and pneumonia causes them to swell and become filled with fluid,” Lawrence couldn’t pull away from his daughter by force she had a strong grip and by love he had a strong grip on her, “it was touch and go and she was…she nearly died.”

“Though she’s still here Larry, you might’ve nearly lost her but she’s still here fighting, because that’s what you do you fight, you even fight your true feelings for people, you fight for everything and yet you won’t fight for me,” Ronnie found the chair that was in the corner and he sat down in it, “why won’t you fight for me?”

“Because I love my wife and I love my daughter, I can’t leave Ronnie…even if I could leave Ellen, I couldn’t leave my daughter she’s not done anything wrong and if I leave then she’ll grow up knowing that her dad was a coward- “

“Ellen wouldn’t stop you seeing her,” Ronnie stood back up and walked over to him taking his other hand, “she knows you too well Lawrence, she knows you don’t love her as much as you love me.”

Lawrence felt his heart race and he pulled his hand away from his daughter she sensed body language and he didn’t want her to start crying, “I can’t leave them, I can’t leave my wife with a baby…look at her Ronnie,” he forced the other man to take in the baby who was laid staring up at the dangling objects from the ceiling, “do you think she deserves to be made fatherless?”

“I get it Lawrence!” Ronnie closed his eyes and turned away from the baby again, he couldn’t let himself take her in, “but Ellen wouldn’t stop you seeing her, she’d be happy you were finally free, that woman’s got the patience of a saint- “

Lawrence pulled Ronnie aside into a corner and stared at him, his chest rising and falling heavily, his eyes wide with anger, “’that woman’ you said, is my wife and she is the mother of my child, I love Ellen- “

“Then why are you sleeping with me and not with her?” Ronnie’s voice rose and Lawrence used his hand to signal to be quieter, as there was sounds of a chesty cough and crying, “is she alright?” he asked as he saw the worried look on Lawrence’s face, “Larry?” he followed the father as he checked to see if she was crying from shock or crying from lack of oxygen, “I’d get the doctor if I were you.”

* * *

Lawrence was waiting in the corner biting at the skin around his nails whilst Ronnie stood beside him, “I can’t leave them, I’ve just spent two days preparing to say goodbye to my daughter, I’ve nearly lost her once Ronnie and I’m risking losing her to this again, if she pulls through I cannot risk losing her, she deserves to have a mother and a father who love her,” Lawrence then stood up straight and waited to be told what had happened, “is she ok?”

“She’s fine now, she shocked herself from coughing, that’s what the crying was. Naturally as things go you might be able to take her home in a few days,” the doctor said to the father who’s eyes lit up and Ronnie hadn’t seen that light in his eyes for a long time, “her body needs to rest, she’s only four months remember, she needs you and your wife when she gets back to be strong for her.”

“Thank you,” Lawrence walked back over to where his daughter was and smiled down at her, as far as babies go he wanted kids for a long time and the wait was worth it, “I’m sorry Ronnie but the answer is no, I can’t come with you, I can’t leave…I told Ellen that I wanted to be a father as much as she wanted to be a mother, I can’t pack up and leave now.”

“But you can still be her father- “

“I can’t!” Lawrence finally lost his temper, he saw the widening of Ronnie’s pupils and he saw his daughter’s pupils widen as the loud noise startled her, her face screwed up and soon there were loud cries filling the room Lawrence had gotten used to the sound of cries four months in but Ronnie had to cover his ears, Lawrence reached down and supported the back of the infant’s head and cradled her in his arms, “do you see why I can’t leave? Ellen would hate me and I can’t leave either of them,” he couldn’t move very far given she was hooked up to IV antibiotics and oxygen but he swayed side to side in an attempt to get her to calm down, “I named her after my mother, Ellen agreed because…it’s associated with the meaning of Follower of Christ and Ellen doesn’t come across too strong but she does have faith, so we went with Christine and we just call her Chrissie as she looks like one. Look Ellen’s due back soon so...could I just…could you just please hold her whilst I go to the toilet? Please Ronnie, if not for me but for her, don’t leave her without anyone in here because if she starts coughing and I mean bringing up stuff and she’s not supported she could choke so please,” Lawrence didn’t leave Ronnie time to argue as he gently placed his daughter in Ronnie’s arms and left him literally holding the baby, the one baby Ronnie had been trying to avoid getting to know as it meant he’d grow fond of quickly, mainly because she was Lawrence’s daughter but not only that she had big sapphire blue eyes that drew you in and kept you staring at her and although he was bitter of Ellen he also couldn’t deny the fact she was lovely and kind and there was three things he saw that made the baby in his arms identical to her mother – her eyes, her nose and the way she kept a hold on you without realising.

Ronnie stared down at her and was fixated on the fact that she was holding his finger using her two hands and staring up at him, “Well I hope you’ve got the best of your parents and not the parts that make me want to strangle your dad and make me want to hate your mother, not that she’s not lovely because believe me she is but the fact is she has some strange hold over your dad like a magnetic force and it makes me wonder where did I do so wrong? Then I see you and I think that you’ve been born into a right mess, but at the same time Chrissie you’ve also been born to a dad that loves you more than anything, you’ve got a mum who’s clearly going to think the world of you so do me one thing love...love, love like your dad can’t because you might be able to show him again what exactly love is,” Ronnie saw Lawrence returning talking to a nurse and he looked back down and saw that he had sent the baby girl in his arms off to sleep, Lawrence reappeared in the room and shock the nurse’s hand before walking over to his daughter.

“Thank you she didn’t cry did she?” Lawrence took her back and made sure she looked comfortable.

“No good as gold, look Lawrence I’m going…I’ve been offered work in Cardiff and I can’t turn it down, I’m going to ask you again…do you want to come with me?” Ronnie already knew the answer but he was going to try.

“I can’t, but you don’t have to go Ronnie- “

“I do Lawrence…I can’t be second best anymore, ok a baby yes I can stand being second best too but I can’t watch you day in and day out loving Ellen like you should love me, you’ve strung me along and made me feel like I’m only good for a few hours a day and I’m lucky to even get that…but you know if you came with me I would treat that little girl just as if she was my own as well, I gave up everything to be your bit on the side and I can’t do it much longer, so do me a favour Larry don’t make her a casualty along the way in this sham of a life you’re living…I will always love you but I can’t do it anymore, I will always be second best Ellen and I have a life too, you’ve got yours it might be a lie but you have a child to raise and do it correctly,” Ronnie took one last look at Lawrence and swallowed a lump in his throat before grabbing his coat, “goodbye Lawrence,” he walked towards the door and saw coming down the corridor Ellen her dark hair in a bun and her arm linked around her sister’s, he opened the door and Ellen stopped in her tracks, “I was just wishing for your daughter to get better…she really is beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Ellen looked up at her sister and they made a face at each other, “but thank you…you’re welcome to stay.”

“Trust me love…I’ve stayed long enough, longer than I should’ve,” he felt his eyes start to water and he had to turn away, “I need to go anyway…I hope you’re home soon.”

“Lawrence how’s she been?” Ellen asked as she put her coat and bag down and made her way towards her daughter, “any relapses or is she ok?” she took the infant in her arms and looked at her husband his eyes were glassy with tears, “Lawrence what’s wrong?” she asked as she put her hand to his face, “what’s happened?”

“This time two days ago we were making funeral arrangements, I just can’t believe she’s still here,” it wasn’t a lie he was grateful to still have his daughter but at the same time he was heartbroken about Ronnie and couldn’t express how he felt, “it’s just a bit much that’s all.”

“She’s still here though and fighting…don’t let what happened two days ago terrify you too much, she’s still alive and still loves you more than me, but she’s still here,” Ellen stroked his face and Lawrence although he had so much good in his life, the one thing that was good had been taken from him and he had to learn to deal with it, and not mess up the baby asleep in Ellen’s arms, he had to learn to live a lie and keep it up and hope to God that his past would never catch up with him. As that’s what you do in the name of love, you put yourself aside.

**Author's Note:**

> I do apologise for rubbish writing! Let me know what you think xxx


End file.
